


The Firs' Lady Witchdocta (Grandmodda's Story)

by 1111



Category: World of Warcraft
Genre: BfA, Blood, Bwonsamdi - Freeform, Cutting, Darkspear, Decapitation, Hallow's End, Halloween, Horde, Orphans, Some Domestic Violence, Trolls, Voodoo, Warcraft - Freeform, World of Warcraft - Freeform, apprentice & master, blood offering, grandma, heavy accent, lady witch doctor, lol, no sexual abuse tho, pidgin language, regional accent, shrunken head - Freeform, smokin a doob, sorceror's apprentice, tale telling, tall tale, the choppa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-17 23:14:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14199744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1111/pseuds/1111
Summary: An old troll woman tells the kids her favorite Hallow's End story of how she finally became a full fledged Witch Docta, while a blood elf paladin (Rideout) records the story for the Loremaster archives of elders.





	The Firs' Lady Witchdocta (Grandmodda's Story)

(The orc orphan matron grins, as if conspiring, across the hut to her troll orphan matron sister. The other rolls her eyes, as they struggle to shush the giggling children getting seated on the floor. The blood elf starts the recording device, and the wizened troll lady adjusts her towering head wrap, as if the goblin fel-made thing could ‘see’ her.)

(Rideout - sweating in her plate armor this fine Echo Isles Hallows Eve - nods encouragingly, to the low hum of the machinery, her eyes half on the tale yet mindful of the crack of blue twilight outside, evening stars beginning to show. All the lights but the small fire are put out, in silence, the old woman lights her hand-rolled with the glowing end of a stick. The children’s eyes shine in a ring about her, and the grandmother puffs, beginning the chant of her annual tale, all burnished from its fond recitation…)

—–  
Well, dis be back in ol’ Sen'jin time, on de island. Vol'jin was jus’ a yout’! An’ we still take da head in dat time.  
Now, me always wan’ be witchdocta. But no 'oomon do dat in dem day! Dey say me crazy, head like rock, stubborn gyal, be mek fun an’ call me “Zulfi”. But me keep ask.  
Da ol’ witchdocta, him seh, “Okey dokey, come me hut an’ me gonna teach ya.” 

But him so mean! Him nevah tell me nuttin’! All me do, cook an’ clean. Him jus’ crazy, mon!  
Sometime me wan’ run outta dere. But me see mama 'cross de wata an’ we wash cloth togedda. “Be a good gyal,” mama seh, so den me go back a help de ol’ mon.

All dat time, me watch an’ listen. Me pick herb for him an’ get dem ting. Me feed da spirit an’ loa when him drink an’ sleep. Him forget!  
An’ me talk ta dem so. Stir de cauldron ta boil head an’ talk dem. Well, dem start talkin’ back! Dem nah like da ol’ mon! So, me learn tings from da spirits. Sometime da ol’ witchdocta be shout de words an’ me listen t'ru de wall. Him get more an’ more crazy, but spirits teach me, when me sleep, an’ dey talk out da heads too. Tell me how make juju, potion an’ alla dis.

Ol’ mon catch me one time, talkin’ ta dem heads, an’ him get MAD! Nevah seen so mad, “Ya tink ya smart?! I see ya dere! I see er'yting!” Him beat an’ lock me. Seh, “Me gonna FEED ya ta dem, how ya like dat?!” Seh, “Don’t touch NUTTIN! Or ya be a frog! Me got DA EYE on ya.” Him look all hard at me den, “Me got ta considah what me do witcha now. Make yu peace wit’ da loas!” An’ him lef’ t'ree day.

Well, him was gone, but me know me in de crab bucket now.  
Me cry ta da spirits an’ da loas: “Spirits! Help me!” Cry ta Bwonsamdi, “Take me outta dis mess!” an’ me cut like dis an’ dis an’ so. But DEN…aaalll on a sudden.. me hear da great loa! “BWAHAHAHAH!” Him laugh soun’ like a rock slide.. so loud! I real 'fraid den! “MUHAHAAA! SO DELICIOUS! But, what be da matta, child?” An’ I tell him!  
Bwonsamdi seh, “Nah worry, dawta. Ya serve me well, an’ dis be de test. All masta got ta test, but me teach ya. Do like me seh, an’ ya be Zulfi.”  
Me so happy den! Ol’ witchdocta come back aftah dat, all stink like Jungle Wata, but me jus’ be like nuttin’ happen.

Me seh, “Masta, we got ta feed da spirits, ya be gone t'ree day!”  
Dat ol’ goat, him a knock me an den hol’ him head like dis, jus’ a shout, “'OOMON! Me head split, don’ be yell at me! Ya be sittin’ round do nuttin t'ree day!? Go get me food an’ ting fah me head dere!”  
Me jus’ smile, seh, “Okey dokey, Masta, I GETCHU SOMETIN’ fah yu HEAD.”

Me mek like me get food. An me come up behin’ real quiet. An’ whatchu tink me do DEN, chi'rren, hmmmmm….?

(The older children, who have been here before, and recall this part, shriek from the darkness behind, to terrify their front-row younger siblings: “CHOP! CHOP!! CHOP!!!” The old woman cackles as if it is the most humorous thing in the world.)

HAHA! YAHMON!! CHOP, CHOP, wit’ de choppa!  
An’ me do like Bwonsamdi tell me an’ take him head. Dat ol’ mon be so surprise! HAH!  
It take a long time, too, me be a lickle ting. It not be easy, mon! Head all hangin’ off! Him a run like a chicken an’ soun’ like a Murloc!  
Blood all on de wall, all on de floor, slippin’, me haffi jump on him back…an’ him nah wan’ hol’ still!

Da great loa Bwonsamdi come den! Him look an’ see alla dis, mon wit’ no head be run aroun’ wit’ me ride him back, holla, “HOL’ STILL, MON!”, an’ alla dis mess… well him jus’ laugh fit ta bus’.  
“BWAHAHAAA! WHO BE STIRRIN UP ME BOOOOOONE? Da lady witchdocta! AHAHA! Ya be sawin’ like a tree, mon! HAHAHAAA! Stop, stop…ya killin’ me! HOO HOOO!”  
Him make me laugh too. Me laugh jus’ tink about it! Hehehe… Him always be teasin’! FINALLY me trap dat ol’ witchdocta in him head real good, an’ offah up all de res’ in de propa way, wit’ de ol’ words an’ ting.

An’ so it was, me pass da test, an’ da student surpass da masta. Me, nah take nah more head meself afta dat, but me be keep DAT one! An’ den yu ol’ Umma become de firs’ lady witchdocta an’ headshrinka in de village, for all de Darkspear in dese island here, me da firs’ Zulfi. An’ when me go, me gonna go ta dat great loa house, an’ keep help da people from dat side, if Him wan’ me do so.

An’ HERE be da ol’ mon.. an’ him still look all surprise! Maybe me a lickle crazy too, ehh?!

(The old troll woman pulls out the contents of her dark cloth bag, holding up a shrunken head to the light to the screams of the children.  
The head is wizened, tarred and shrunken, but the ears have remained large, and pointed like an angry bat’s. The thing radiates powerful personality, the skin like oiled blue-black parchment. His face is frozen in an expression of eternal and hilarious outrage, with comical shell inlays placed as 'eyes’… yet the eyes glow a sickly purple, as with sentience.)

(His teeth and tusks are yellowed but preserved as fine ivory, the tusks with their many fine traceries of magical carvings visible, capped with blackened silver, appearing absurdly huge emerging from the tiny, furious head. No one in the room has any doubt soever that there is a spirit trapped in the hideous object, his mouth tarred shut but teeth jutting out like a donkey’s.)

(Various children immediately burst into tears. As the orphan matrons and the paladin glare at the old woman, children clinging to their legs and bawling, the witch docta grins, purely the spirit of mischief, and shrugs innocently.)

(Over the sounds of children laughing, yelling, 'chopping’, and crying, small voices echo: “TELL IT AGAIN! TELL IT AGAIN!”)

**Author's Note:**

> I pictured a kind of WPA administration under Vol'jin where there were arts grants for the unemployed old basket weavers that survived the Cataclysm. So, that's why they are recording her tale... Of course she still had trials and tribs, and arguing with village councils, as women of the Darkspear did not previously take this role. But that tribe and the 'new world' Horde trolls in general became quite progressive compared to the strict caste system of the Zandalari (which I am sure we're gonna see in BfA!) She has a heavy old style Zandali/Darkspear accent while speaking Orcish common speech.


End file.
